Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Randomize