dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
someone owes me an orgasm
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
