Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
