There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
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