so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
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I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
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"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
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