so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
being pregnant is like rehab
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
