What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
