Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Randomize
