Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
All the doctor said was why
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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