i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Randomize
