just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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