in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
Life is so much better after having sex.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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