i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
