if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
dude. I can hear the air.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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