I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
