i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
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