Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
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omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
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Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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