Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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