he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
