we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
