he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
