nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
