i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
