he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
