He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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