just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
