I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Randomize
