I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
So drunk, too bad you don't want this
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
