He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
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