if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
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So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
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Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
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