why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
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