how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
