I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
