Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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