I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
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