how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
