We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Randomize
