ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Randomize
