I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Randomize