this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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