My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
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Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
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She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
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