oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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