So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I'm sobbing to NWA
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
