why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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