I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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