yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
