btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
