I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
