don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Randomize
