i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Randomize
