y did u give ur computer a hand job?
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
