mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
