hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Crop dusting thru forever 21
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
