broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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