dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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