eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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