Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
