The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Randomize
