it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
