we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Panties = found
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Randomize
