My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Randomize
