she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
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